Goals

When I was on my choir trip in New York achieving a goal of singing in Carnegie Hall, I decided it would be fun to write a list of my goals for a lifetime and others that I probably could get done sooner if I weren't so easily distracted or liked to watch tv when I am home.

The one goal that always appears on my lists and never gets very far I'm afraid is getting organized. I remember trying to clean out my dresser and make it organized, while in the process making more of a mess than anything else. I wish I could hire someone to get me organized, like on one of those tv shows where people come in, dump everything on the lawn and start over. But I'd have to get some things organized before I could let that happen :)

Another goal is to put my photos together in some sense-ical order so that I could possibly do slideshows of my photos with music behind it. That would be fun. I bought a scanner to put hard copy photographs onto the computer so I could help myself in that process. It's back in the box waiting for me to use it again.

The goals of a lifetime I came up with in NYC were:

• sending audition materials to Broadway, Juliard, music studios in California
• writing music for others
• writing articles for big city newspapers or magazines
• writing a novel
• getting a Master's or Doctorate or both
• putting a photography show together with my work
• entering photography/writing contests
• getting my music published
• organizing photographs

Some of these goals may actually be attainable. I could get a Master's or a Doctorate after I finish studying and pass the GRE, I could enter the photo/writing contests, organize photographs and maybe work my way into big city magazines and newspapers. I've already had things published nationally and potentially nationally. Perhaps I could do a photography show if I can make the right connections and find appropriate material. The music goals would take a lot more practice, but when I was a little girl I always dreamed of singing or playing flute on the records I would listen to in my room.

Thoughts for the day!

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas Day.

Spent the day at my dad's after walking in a foot of snow up hill all the way! Well, it wasn't uphill any of the way, but it was still up to my hips! It was nice to have a car waiting at the end of that road. My little vehicle won't make it out of the neighborhood for awhile so I'm always glad for a ride.

This white Christmas stuff is nuts. This is the first year I didn't make it to Christmas mass but I watched the pope's homily on tv so I had a little bit of Christmas mass that way. Crazy weather!

Now it's time to start making my new year's resolutions!!

Tomorrow :)

Merry Christmas

I wish all a very merry Christmas this year--and safe travels. Wow, what a white Christmas we are having. I cannot believe I was actually snowed in from Christmas mass. I am glad to have spent time with all of the family yesterday and today. I guess I will be trying to watch Mass for Shut-Ins...if I'm not enjoying sleeping in. I'll say extra prayers tonight before I go to bed.

The song "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" kept playing on the radio the other night and I kept thinking, "I'm Not!" but am glad to have the chance to have my brother in town and time to spend hanging out at home.

I am so grateful for so much.

stories

I was reading an online Advent reflection by Sister Gail Cabral, IHM Scranton, Pennsylvania and she quotes an answer of a rabbi that made me stop and think. She said, “When asked why God created humans, a Jewish rabbi replied, ‘Because God loves stories.’” It is kind of a fun thought that God likes stories, especially since I want to be a writer of stories. But I also realize that many of my stories come from my relationship with God and faith experience.

I started gathering my stories of faith experience into one word document and found I must have written a lot of stories and reflections of faith over the years. I might try to put some older reflections on this website.

scars reflection

“Scars remind us where we’ve been but do not have to dictate where we are going.”

This was a quote I heard on the television show “Criminal Minds.” I know it’s not typical for someone to pick up on inspirational quotes off a crime show but sometimes an inspirational quote comes from places you least expect.

Something about this quote struck me. I know in my life and in the lives of every human being there are scars that reflect the hurts and struggles we have experienced. And I know, personally, I have struggled with letting those scars heal enough to be only reminders and not feel like fresh wounds.

This quote seems encouraging to me and also a good reminder to not let those scars tell me where I am to go. It’s so easy to think that I can’t go in some direction because the past and all its hurts have kept me from going in the direction I want.

So, where am I going now? What are the scars that are dictating that direction at this point? How do I get the scars to be only reminders and not directional challenges?

Third Week of Advent

Greetings on this third week of Advent. It's hard to believe we are already on the third week because I've been in a different church or at a different event every week so far--started in New York, I was at St. Pius last week and I was at Trinity and St. Johns this week.

I went to a writers workshop yesterday which turned out to be a great experience. We were given different topics to write a sentence with and then invited to share. One of the themes was medicine and the sentence I came up with was "Medicine heals what forgiveness cannot." The director of the workshop told me he thought a 747 had come through the room at the effect of the quote and actually wrote it in his notebook I think. I wasn't sure where that line came from. But I could probably spend some time reflecting on it.

Today has been super busy. Started at Trinity Episcopal playing and singing Advent Carols and Lessons, saw my stepsister sing Christmas carols, went to an open house for a nun who turns 80 today, and am killing a little time before going to sing and play flute for a Christmas program at St. Pius.

So maybe it's not so hard to believe it is the third week already...I have been flying through the rest of the weeks. I have to make sure I'm done Christmas shopping one of these days!

How do I prepare for the next bunch of weeks? Christmas will be here before I know it.

busy times

I know it has been a long time since I’ve written for this blog. Things have been really busy…lots to do in December with music and events and practices; etc. I have been feeling a little better emotionally I think. I don’t feel well physically at the moment with bronchitis, but it will pass eventually.

I can’t believe how fast this year has gone. It seems like it just started. I always try to look through the calendar at the end of the year to try and see where I’ve been and what I’ve done. I know one thing I’ve done is a lot of article writing which I have enjoyed. I got certified as a paralegal after passing a 2-day test. I have traveled to various places including western Nebraska, North Carolina, New York and places in between! I'cw also done a lot of music at church and things. And that's only the beginning. I wonder what next year will bring?

Things I did in NYC!

Here's the highlights of my trip to NYC with the choir from College of Saint Mary--amazing experience, lots to reflect on and remember!!

Things I did in NYC
· Had lunch at Mickey Mantle’s restaurant
· Walked to see the parade balloons inflated
· Happy hour at Café Frida
· Dinner at Angela’s Rock n Roll Deli
· Stayed at the Helmsley Park Lane across from Central Park
· Watched the Macy’s Day Parade
· Saw Jude Law as Hamlet on Broadway
· Took a ferry to Liberty Island, saw Statue of Liberty
· Went to Ellis Island
· FAO Schwarz and played the piano from the movie Big
· Dinner at Hard Rock Café
· Exploring and shopping in Times Square
· Lunch at Burger Pop which was featured on the Food Network
· Shopping at Macy’s
· Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral
· Dinner at McDonald’s in Times Square
· West Side Story at the Palace Theater
· Sightseeing tour
· Dinner at Jekyl & Hydes
· Radio City Music Hall Christmas Show
· Walk around Rockefeller Center to see Ice Rink and tree
· Natural History Museum
· Dinner at the Russian Tea Room
· Singing at Carnegie Hall
· Visit Metropolitan Museum of Art
· Dinner at Rue 57

Observer

I noticed the other day how much of an observer I really am. I participate plenty but I tend to view others and see how I 'wish I were' like them or perhaps am glad I'm not? :) I'm just wondering why I have always been more of an observer in things.

been awhile

It has been awhile since I've written on this blog. Not a whole lot has changed. My mind is still on a million things which has been ever more apparent in my dreams. I get worn out after a night's sleep! This is nuts :)

I will try to write more soon. I have been journaling and I will see if anything from the journals can be included here. If you want to see more entries, write me!

wandering mind

A lot has been on my mind lately. It ranges from concern for family and friends to how do I ever get control over the lack of organization I have at times.

Tonight I was watching tv as usual.... and suddenly wondered if our lives were a sitcom, what sitcom would it be? I don't know the answer. But perhaps looking at our lives as a sitcom may help us find the comedy in the midst of the tragedy of all the stuff that happens throughout our lives.

Just a thought from my wandering mind. More later.

Good Day

Saturday was a good day. I had breakfast, lunch, dinner and after-dinner time with friends and a stop in the park for a little bit. It was nice to spend time with friends, catching up and learning how each is doing. I am so grateful for my friends and having the whole day spent with a few of them at each mealtime was wonderful.

Today as I was driving home from Mass I was following a car with a dog in the backseat. I was very amused by the sight of the dog moving back and forth from the window on the right to the window on the left and vice versa. At first I wondered if the dog was trying to find the best view, but then the thought came to me that maybe he was trying to take in the full view.

Maybe we all need to look left and look right and make sure to take in all of the view. I think so often we only see just a part of what we could see or perhaps what we need to see. Just like there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to the view--out of the car window. Right, left and full of beauty.

Faith

I went to a Christian music concert last night. It was great—Mercy Me, Johnny Diaz, 10th Avenue North. There was a comment by 10th Avenue North’s lead singer that struck me, among other things of the evening. He said the great thing as Christians is it is not how much faith you have, but who you put your faith in.

It strikes me especially in recalling how little faith I can have at times, as with many others. But I guess if I know I’m putting it in the right place—God—then maybe that is enough to sustain me through to the other side of being fully faithful.

I know there have been times in my life where my faith actually did seem as small as a mustard seed and I wasn’t too sure there would be growth with it. At other times my faith seems like it is on top of the world and I know exactly where God is and where I am. Those times don’t come too often, as I’m always at least wondering where I am J but I try to take it as it comes! I am glad to know that even if my faith feels small there is hope that it will grow strong.

Roses

This is one of many photos I have taken at rose gardens, both in Portland, Oregon and in Omaha. I have loved roses for a long time and they have brought me peace and comfort at different times. My favorite saint is St Therese of Lisieux the Little Flower and she has answered me so many times with roses. I'm praying she'll send one for those I care about that they can be healed.

One thing I like about roses is that each one is so unique. Even if there are the same variety of roses, the characteristics of each of them are different. Each petal has its own size and shape and color and combined they make a beautiful rose.

The same could be said about people, I suppose. You could even go so far as to see that each person in a family or a group of friends are the "petal" and together they make a beautiful rose with unique patterns and colors.

reflection

I was recently reading through a column I wrote for The Creightonian. It was very interesting to see both how things have changed and what has remained the same after all these years. Having been to my 10-year reunion I wonder more and more about calling and what I am meant to do with my life.

The column was about the power of the pen. It read, in part, “With the power of my words, I have the potential to change lives, evoke thought and communicate my beliefs to the world.” It may sound hokey now, especially as I remember trying to write that column so people would listen. But that truth of the power of words, and my written words, hasn’t strayed very far from where I am today.

Today I write for others—articles on events, organizations, travels. I enjoy writing immensely. It still brings me joy when I see something in print. Many people have told me they like my articles or that I am a good writer.

I think I have been writing something my whole life. From fiction stories to poetry to journals, I have kept the words flowing. And I still find it easier to write words than speak them. This is evidenced by struggles I have telling people verbally how I feel and writing was always a healing potential when I was growing up.

Perhaps now is the time to write my voice.

Light

This year as the time change occurred, I realized I'm not quite ready for less light in the world. I've always been a night owl and I love to see all the city lights but the place I'm in emotionally is darker at the moment and I'mf finding myself needing physical light justa little more. It was dark tonight when I left the bookstore and it was only 5:30 p.m. when I headed out. There seemed to be little sunlight here in town this month--too many gloomy days. And I'm sure that didn't help any. It seems ironic how weather can match moods and vice versa.

I learned during my time in Portland to appreciate the sun even more during the rainy season, which I was told was from Halloween to July 4th. But the sun would shine even for awhile on the rainiest days it seemed.

So I pray as I enter into this coming season of decreased light outside and the struggle inside at the moment that I can hold onto the light and focus on what is "light" and "life-giving." I also know that the season of light follows this season. Maybe I can learn to rest and grow in the season with darkness. Maybe I can make it into "holy darkness."

Halloween~~~BOO :)

Hello,

Happy Halloween :)

Okay I know this is a Christmas picture but I was trying to see if I could get the program to work.

My plan is to start posting various pictures and using them as reflection pieces or memory places so that I can reflect on various happenings in my life. We'll see what comes up.

This picture was from a neighborhood not too far away that had the lights timed to music on the radio station that was just for their house. It was pretty fun and I went there with two friends and had a blast. I think we parked in front of the house for quite awhile...ho ho ho! OR should I say "BOO" :)

Mind Games

Lately I’ve been feeling down, and while there are good reasons for it (at least in my mind) I have found myself considering the various things that get me down and noticing that in some cases I tend to focus on the negative instead of counting my blessings with all the positives. For example, when I’ve been hurt by a friend, I tend to obsess over the fact that I’ve been hurt by a friend and not count how lucky I am to be blessed with so many other wonderful friends. I tend to not be able to overlook that slight or whatever it happens to be. Another example is when something should have been recognized and wasn’t I tended to focus on my hurt of that occurrence rather than all of the great people that did recognize something.

I know that I often have a problem with aligning heart and head when it comes to certain things. I know in my heart that “this or that” needs to be done or thought of in a way that is healthy, but for some reason I have a hard time changing my thought patterns on things. One part of me knows to “let it go” and another part resists for some reason.

So how does one change their thought patterns, while struggling to align heart and head? Any suggestions?

Prayer

Today I am reflecting on the power of prayer and sending lots of prayers to my cousin and her little baby who is sick. I am comforted that I have people to ask for prayers and that people will ask me to pray for them or their needs.

I have to believe in the power of prayer. There are countless examples of how prayer has helped and I know that even if it isn't answered in the way we wish it would be, that God is hearing every single word of our prayers, spoken and unspoken.

So I am including a prayer today for all who read this blog and all those who are in need of prayer for any reason.

Lord, keep our loved ones safe from harm. Show your mercy to all who believe in you and grant peace in the hearts of all who are struggling right now. Send your healing touch on all who are ill and grant that we may know how to bring comfort in your name. Comfort all who mourn and show us the way to you. Amen.

Career-Type Joys

In my ongoing effort to find out the answer to “What do I want?” I came to realize that I need to try and keep track of where it is that I find joy. I know there are different areas in my life that I want to focus on with regard to what I want, but as far as a career-type joy goes, I find I am always excited when I get an article published. Today I got published at http://www.newcriminologist.com/article.asp?nid=2175 New Criminologist. I totally enjoyed writing the article and got very positive feedback from the editor.
Another joy I noticed surrounding career-type joy is with the topic of the article I just got published. I really enjoyed learning about art crime and even found myself wishing for the chance to work in that type of field.
But we’ll see. I just want to try and keep track of where those various joys come into play. I will pay attention to where they are in other areas of my life and hopefully over time be the most well-rounded joyous person I can be!

Reflection on Quote

Insist on yourself. Never imitate. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote seems to be appropriate as I learn this year to reach for my goals. I know I've fallen into imitation at different times in my life. It's not hard to see where others have achieved success and want to follow in their footsteps. One can think, if they can do it that way then so could I. It doesn't always work out.

I watched the movie "The Women" last night and was interested by one of the questions posed to Meg Ryan's character of "What do you want?" In the movie she goes about figuring it out. So I pose this question to myself and say "What do I want?" Perhaps it will be to answer to Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote of insisting on myself and not imitating others.

So if I am to be myself and find what I want, it would be to find my voice, be it in writing or in performing music. I want to be me!

Goals for Year 33

I decided to try and put together some goals for what I want to accomplish this year and see if anything works out by the end of it.

One goal I've decided is to take the GRE exam. I've started looking at it and studying a bit but I don't know when I will take it--by the end of my 33rd year I will. But it may take me that long to relearn the math section. Ah, well. I've got to start somewhere.

The reason I set the goal of taking the GRE is because I know down the road I want to go to graduate school--perhaps even go so far as getting a doctorate! I'd like to get it in journalism and would also like to study criminology down the road. I find it fascinating and love writing articles about it. I'm hoping I could get a job at a paper or magazine for it. I know for the journalism degree I need to get more experience in the web world and publishing for the web, so I'm happy I'm getting a little experience now.

Another goal is to get published in a major publication. I've been lucky so far to be published in Omaha publications and New Criminologist which is a national publication. I'm going to send my resumes and clips to the major newspapers and magazines to see what happens.

This year I hope to make peace with people and things I haven't made peace with at this time and try to get to know more about my family. I realize that life is too short and I really want to know who the people are that surround me.

Well, this is just a start to my goals for this year. I hope I can at least get to a few!! Wish me luck!

Another Year

This is my first entry in my 33rd year of life. Wow. Time has flown by.