Observer

I noticed the other day how much of an observer I really am. I participate plenty but I tend to view others and see how I 'wish I were' like them or perhaps am glad I'm not? :) I'm just wondering why I have always been more of an observer in things.

been awhile

It has been awhile since I've written on this blog. Not a whole lot has changed. My mind is still on a million things which has been ever more apparent in my dreams. I get worn out after a night's sleep! This is nuts :)

I will try to write more soon. I have been journaling and I will see if anything from the journals can be included here. If you want to see more entries, write me!

wandering mind

A lot has been on my mind lately. It ranges from concern for family and friends to how do I ever get control over the lack of organization I have at times.

Tonight I was watching tv as usual.... and suddenly wondered if our lives were a sitcom, what sitcom would it be? I don't know the answer. But perhaps looking at our lives as a sitcom may help us find the comedy in the midst of the tragedy of all the stuff that happens throughout our lives.

Just a thought from my wandering mind. More later.

Good Day

Saturday was a good day. I had breakfast, lunch, dinner and after-dinner time with friends and a stop in the park for a little bit. It was nice to spend time with friends, catching up and learning how each is doing. I am so grateful for my friends and having the whole day spent with a few of them at each mealtime was wonderful.

Today as I was driving home from Mass I was following a car with a dog in the backseat. I was very amused by the sight of the dog moving back and forth from the window on the right to the window on the left and vice versa. At first I wondered if the dog was trying to find the best view, but then the thought came to me that maybe he was trying to take in the full view.

Maybe we all need to look left and look right and make sure to take in all of the view. I think so often we only see just a part of what we could see or perhaps what we need to see. Just like there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to the view--out of the car window. Right, left and full of beauty.

Faith

I went to a Christian music concert last night. It was great—Mercy Me, Johnny Diaz, 10th Avenue North. There was a comment by 10th Avenue North’s lead singer that struck me, among other things of the evening. He said the great thing as Christians is it is not how much faith you have, but who you put your faith in.

It strikes me especially in recalling how little faith I can have at times, as with many others. But I guess if I know I’m putting it in the right place—God—then maybe that is enough to sustain me through to the other side of being fully faithful.

I know there have been times in my life where my faith actually did seem as small as a mustard seed and I wasn’t too sure there would be growth with it. At other times my faith seems like it is on top of the world and I know exactly where God is and where I am. Those times don’t come too often, as I’m always at least wondering where I am J but I try to take it as it comes! I am glad to know that even if my faith feels small there is hope that it will grow strong.

Roses

This is one of many photos I have taken at rose gardens, both in Portland, Oregon and in Omaha. I have loved roses for a long time and they have brought me peace and comfort at different times. My favorite saint is St Therese of Lisieux the Little Flower and she has answered me so many times with roses. I'm praying she'll send one for those I care about that they can be healed.

One thing I like about roses is that each one is so unique. Even if there are the same variety of roses, the characteristics of each of them are different. Each petal has its own size and shape and color and combined they make a beautiful rose.

The same could be said about people, I suppose. You could even go so far as to see that each person in a family or a group of friends are the "petal" and together they make a beautiful rose with unique patterns and colors.

reflection

I was recently reading through a column I wrote for The Creightonian. It was very interesting to see both how things have changed and what has remained the same after all these years. Having been to my 10-year reunion I wonder more and more about calling and what I am meant to do with my life.

The column was about the power of the pen. It read, in part, “With the power of my words, I have the potential to change lives, evoke thought and communicate my beliefs to the world.” It may sound hokey now, especially as I remember trying to write that column so people would listen. But that truth of the power of words, and my written words, hasn’t strayed very far from where I am today.

Today I write for others—articles on events, organizations, travels. I enjoy writing immensely. It still brings me joy when I see something in print. Many people have told me they like my articles or that I am a good writer.

I think I have been writing something my whole life. From fiction stories to poetry to journals, I have kept the words flowing. And I still find it easier to write words than speak them. This is evidenced by struggles I have telling people verbally how I feel and writing was always a healing potential when I was growing up.

Perhaps now is the time to write my voice.

Light

This year as the time change occurred, I realized I'm not quite ready for less light in the world. I've always been a night owl and I love to see all the city lights but the place I'm in emotionally is darker at the moment and I'mf finding myself needing physical light justa little more. It was dark tonight when I left the bookstore and it was only 5:30 p.m. when I headed out. There seemed to be little sunlight here in town this month--too many gloomy days. And I'm sure that didn't help any. It seems ironic how weather can match moods and vice versa.

I learned during my time in Portland to appreciate the sun even more during the rainy season, which I was told was from Halloween to July 4th. But the sun would shine even for awhile on the rainiest days it seemed.

So I pray as I enter into this coming season of decreased light outside and the struggle inside at the moment that I can hold onto the light and focus on what is "light" and "life-giving." I also know that the season of light follows this season. Maybe I can learn to rest and grow in the season with darkness. Maybe I can make it into "holy darkness."